Brad Rourke

Do We Really Want That Feedback?

By Vlickr user madmolecule
By Flickr user madmolecule

I have worked in a lot of different kinds of offices in my career, and I’ve been a cubicle drone as well as a manager. I’ve hired and fired, and received my fair share of reviews.

Today I’m going to talk about feedback — getting it and giving it.

There is a great deal of conventional wisdom out there about feedback. It’s good, you should seek it out, you should give it in positive and constructive ways, et cetera.

But here’s what I’ve learned. Few people really want feedback.

More often than not, when we seek out feedback, we are really hoping to get validation. “Atta boy, great job!” is what we hope to hear. And more often than not, that’s how it works out. If you really gave me your  honest feedback on the job I did, it would be painful. So we find good things to say about one another.

But no one does a great job all the time. And, in any professional environment, there are screw-ups every day.

I was fortunate enough to work in one office where feedback was taken seriously. It was a tough place to work, but it was very good for me. I learned to give honest feedback — including things that needed to change. I also learned to get feedback without going to pieces.

But very, very few places really value honest feedback. You can tell because meetings end without anyone having taken accountability. Mediocre product goes out the door because no one wanted to speak up and say it was mediocre (or, just as often, a senior manager spent all night fixing it because it was too uncomfortable to bring to the attention of the people who ought to be making the changes).

In my professional, civic life, and personal lives, I have been getting a lot of feedback lately. Some of it has been critical, and to be honest I have reacted poorly at times. Part of me hates being told I screwed up. (Even people who really want feedback can find it hard to take.)

But, all in all, I value negative feedback and I go out of my way to get it. People don’t like to give it and sometimes you have to prod them.

Because I now work with a variety of clients and partners, I have to calibrate what kind of feedback I give, and what kind of feedback I can expect. Some folks really want to know — and can take it. Others really don’t want feedback and it is hurtful to give it — at least bluntly. There’s usually a way to get the message across, even diplomatically.

But, speaking for myself, if you’re too diplomatic with me I won’t hear whatever negative feedback you are trying to convey. I need it straight, no chaser.

Because of this approach to feedback, folks who know me and have worked with me know to trust me when I tell them I think they did a good job: I only say it if it is true. No one is helped by the little workplace lies that keep us all comfortable.

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4 responses to “Do We Really Want That Feedback?”

  1. Matthew Taylor

    One of the hardest things for both the supplier and the receiver of feedback to get a handle on is separating the professional from the personal. I join the previous commenters as having been on both sides of the feedback process. I found I had to develop a form of double-think, to routinely ask myself, Am I giving/receiving this feedback for personal reasons or does it really go to job performance? And some of the people I have worked with would take even the slightest critique as a blow to their character. For example, I’m sure we’ve all been faced with working with someone who you like personally, but who is really not doing the job. It is tricky to formulate the right feedback, to not softball it, to keep it factual. And it is up to the receiver to understand the difference between a performance critique and a personal attack. Some of what I thought were unwarrented critiques of my own work I just had to take and move on. Mostly, though, I’ve become more aware of my personal sensitivity zone and learned to adjust accordingly.

  2. Leo Dewey

    Hey Brad. Thoughtful article as usual. I think you described everybody’s attitude toward feedback and the previous comments have added examples. We’ve all been in this kettle. But, from a systems approach, especially for newly introduced products or services, if a feedback loop is not integral to the offering, there may be hell to pay later. The key, I’ve learned, is whether the feedback loop is deliberate, designed to measure specific system elements, and is actively solicited and evaluated. If an enterprise is failing, it’s always best to know why before the crash. The feedback mechanism should be designed as the essential quality control over the goals of the designed offering, whether it’s a single lecture, a continuing process, or an entire program. Whether the speaker/designer is being successful in achieving each goal in the offering demands a structured feedback system. If that system is focused on evaluating the successful achievement of each goal then people’s responses are important. If they get too personal, that may be the fault of the feedback mechanism’s design. Believe me: As someone who has been the subject of much unsolicited, unstructured “feedback”, up to and including a hostile Congressional inquiry, even those can be put to a purpose.

  3. Donna Rae Scheffert

    Very thought provoking. I too have been on both sides in the workplace. Your story made me think of great supervisors who would give me frank, honest feedback and then stay by my side while I learned and improved. Over time we grew to know what things I was gifted at and what I struggled with and worked around those preferences. That is what I aimed for too when I was the boss.

    Also, to Allison’s comment, as a Professor providing feedback and doing GRADING for a over a decade, I find most graduate students seem to believe that they do A work and feel ‘nailed’ by anything less. As I review over 25 portfolio’s from my class there is a quality difference. This year I spent considerable time with one student who was openly hostile toward me when she received her B grade. She wrote me a long e-mail about how poorly I had given instructions about the assignment and other things. In the end she did calm down enough to take some feedback and redo the work. She had submitted a graduate paper without references so we are not talking about a hard judgment call on my side. It helps that I have a co-instructor to doublecheck the fairness of the grading; that is a strong point for appeals – beyond personality conflicts or the eye of the beholder.

  4. Allison Addicott

    Great post. Maybe just me, but I would take straight no chaser feedback any day of the week over other kinds of non-feedback-passive-aggressive-back-stabbing-sort I have experienced in many other environments.

    Partly my upbringing, but also doing eons of academic work is all about getting nailed for what is pretty darn good work..and having to re-write/re-tool, re-do footnotes, etc, etc. The variety of personalities and pedagogies and expectations vary so much from one doctoral prof to another..but it is the perfectionist that teaches one the most…because he or she pushes students.

    Perhaps the bottom line in all this is that open communication that is truly honest keeps things moving and ensures professionalism. When critique is above board, then it really is not personal…it’s aiming for the good of the organization.

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